I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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