Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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