"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
