its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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