just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Princesses don't give blow jobs
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
