Got a toothbrush?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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