im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
