i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
