wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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