I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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