Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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