Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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