he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
