I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
