Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
