I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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