No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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