I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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