that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
