There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
