so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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