pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
