everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
