I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
