have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
