I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
