My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
