Can i not drive my cunt home
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
