her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
