my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
