I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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