My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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