When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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