My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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