Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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