okay pat passed out under dana's car
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
