Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize