Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
