that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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