I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
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I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
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the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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