defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
