I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
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The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
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I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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