it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm both gender and math confused
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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