just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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