I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
