my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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