so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Randomize
