Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
time to smoke my breakfast
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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