I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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