Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
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I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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