you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
