Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
