I have demons in me.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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