I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
