he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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