Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
