how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
