If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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