And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
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Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
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People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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