but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm having to shit out rocks
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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